Girlfriend Time is the Best Medicine

“Sometimes seeing a friend for 20 minutes between a meeting

and a flight is the next best thing to a girls’ weekend.”

Amber Williams

March 31, 2019

Last week, as I was packing for my trip to Washington, DC, I got a text from my friend, Amber that read, “I heard you will be in DC tomorrow. Any chance you can meet me at Union Station around 5:30 for a quick drink?” On the day I was scheduled to arrive, Amber had a meeting that was scheduled to end at 5 p.m. and an 8:00 p.m. flight home to South Carolina.

The last time I saw Amber was more than a year ago on a girlfriend weekend with our friends Susan and Linda. We are all scattered across the country and had traveled to Asheville, North Carolina to spend time together. I had felt guilty about taking that trip (see previous blog post about my inability to create work/life balance). Although the trip to Asheville was brief – 48 hurried hours –the time with my friends had refreshed my mindset.

When I got Amber’s text, I quickly responded, “Absolutely, I’ll make it happen.”

For me, time with my friends is my way of claiming “me time.” This is something that I used to have lots of guilt about (honestly, I still do to some extent). However, there is a considerable amount of research into the physical and mental health benefits of self-care. Studies show that we are less able to handle stress when we’re physically and emotionally exhausted. This impacts our resiliency and can lead to long-term chronic health problems.

There are a variety of ways to focus on self-care, including getting enough sleep, eating healthy meals, ensuring leisure time in our schedules, and making time for friends. I’m batting about 50%. In baseball, that’s excellent, but this isn’t a baseball game. It’s my life. Granted, there are more years behind me than in front of me, but I still want the remaining years to be productive and happy. I know that I need to do better than 50%.

With that in mind, I met Amber for a “quick 20 minute visit and drink.” We caught up on each other’s jobs, lives and families. We made plans to meet again in a few weeks when we are both in DC. We also committed to scheduling another girlfriend trip with Susan and Linda in September.

Following my work meetings the next day, my friends Mary Ann, Mandy and I boarded a train to Baltimore to spend a “quick 24 hours” with my best friend and her daughter. I LOVE being at Carolyn’s house. The minute I walk through the door, I feel like I can breathe. It could have something to do with being surrounded by their little pocket of nature, but I think it has more to do with being in a trusted and caring environment. My friend Mary Ann coined it best when she said “being at Carolyn’s feels like a warm hug.” Yes, it does!

Ironically, Carolyn gave each of us the book, How To Make Diseases Disappear,” by Dr. Rangan Chatterjee. Dr. Chatterjee is a functional medicine physician who believes that chronic diseases such as type 2 diabetes, high blood pressure, depression and dementia are not the inevitable result of aging or genetics. He says that physicians are good at treating acute diseases, but not so good at treating chronic diseases. That’s because chronic diseases have many different causes. He says that physicians often forget that the human body is “one big connected system.” Instead, the physician reverts to treating one problem at a time. If a patient presents with depression, an antidepressant is prescribed. If the patient has high blood pressure, a different medication is prescribed. Dr. Chatterjee says that a patient may have a symptom (high blood pressure, depression) in one domain, but the cause is likely way upstream in an area that current medical training isn’t addressing.

Dr. Chatterjee’s research into having a life free of disease revolves around four pillars: relaxation, food, sleep and movement. He believes that by making small, achievable changes in each of these key areas, we can create and maintain good health – and avoid and reverse illness.

I was happy to have this book when I left Carolyn’s because I experienced multiple flight delays getting from Baltimore to Louisville for my next conference. Reading the book gave me something to do during those delays!

I’m physically tired from the long travel day, but being with my friends, even briefly, revitalized my spirit. My mood is better. I felt happy when I woke up this morning.

I even managed to do one of the recommendations on Dr. Chatterjee’s relaxation pillar – spend at least 15 minutes, every day, doing something just for yourself and don’t feel guilty about it. So, after my last session, I came back to my hotel, grabbed a bottle of water and an apple, and spent 15 minutes in quiet reflection and meditation. I know I’ve got a ways to go, but it’s a small step in improving that 50% number.