The bluebonnets are calling . . .

I stood in my bathroom and gazed at the image in the mirror. It was 6 a.m. on Saturday morning.

I was tired. When I had finally gone to sleep, I had slept fitfully, waking up several times during the night and early morning.

I was also stressed. I had received news during the week that the person I report to had accepted another position. I had been happy working with Dr. Williams during the brief time that I had reported to him. Under his direction, I had finally felt like we were hitting a rhythm at work; setting aligned goals and objectives, and beginning to make some progress. I am happy for Dr. Williams in any career moves and decisions he makes, but this meant the seventh reporting structure change for me in the past seven years, and the third change in the past two years.

I have been trying to carve out time to write this blog on Friday evenings if I’m in Dallas and not traveling on business, but I had spent the past Friday night working instead of blogging.

I knew that my stress level was up when I received a text message last week from my best friend that said she missed me. She said her husband had suggested that we plan a BFF getaway trip. Instead of immediately looking for locations and airline tickets, I started crying. Because I couldn’t fathom that it would be possible.

Vacations are extremely important to me. My family went on at least a one-week (sometimes two-week) out of state vacation to a different location every year that I was in elementary school. When my daughter was in elementary and junior high school, she and I would go snow skiing every year and somewhere else in the summer (usually to a California beach with friends).

I haven’t been on a vacation (a real vacation of more than three days) since 2014. I am not bragging about this. I am embarrassed and disgusted that I have allowed work to get in the way of something that I value. I have tried to justify the reason for not taking a vacation. The bottom line is that I feel guilty asking for vacation time because I travel for business frequently. About half of that business travel is uncompensated – meaning that I’m paying for it. Again, I’ve rationalized in my mind why I should do this. When I’m asked to serve on national committees, I feel guilty asking Parkland to pay the expenses for me to attend meetings in Washington, D.C., even though I’m representing Parkland. So, I pay for those trips out of pocket. You can imagine how unhappy I am about the new tax law that has taken away the exemption for uncompensated business expenses – just one more reason to feel stressed.

I understand that I’m very fortunate to get to travel on business to interesting places with friends and colleagues that I enjoy. But business travel is work. We are in meetings all day and most evenings. On breaks, we are checking and responding to emails or phone calls. I was in Charleston, SC for three days for the Safe States Alliance Annual Meeting, but the only time I was more than three blocks from the hotel was at 6 a.m. on the final day because my friend, Mary Ann and I took a Lyft to Rainbow Row so that I could snap a few photos.

I’m trying to extend business trips by a day either on the front end or back end of the trip to experience the local culture of the cities, but even those days aren’t “unplugged.”

As I stood in my bathroom, tired and stressed, I glanced at two prints hanging on the walls. One is a Vincent Van Gogh print entitled “Wheatfield under thunderclouds.” I purchased the print when my friend Linda and I had traveled to Amsterdam the weekend following the 2010 World Injury Conference, which was held in London. We visited the Van Gogh Museum while we were in Amsterdam, and I was particularly drawn to the series of paintings that Van Gogh had completed of wheatfields around Auvers during the last weeks of his life. By then, Van Gogh’s mental illness was evident. When I looked at the dark, yet bright colors of those paintings, it indicated that a change was forthcoming and needed. I bought the print version of “Wheatfield under thunderclouds” in the gift shop of the museum because it reminded me of how I felt when I made the decision to leave Oklahoma and move to Dallas to accept the job at Parkland.

The other print was a photo that I had taken of a bluebonnet field near Ennis, Texas. I love bluebonnet time in Texas. Although I’ve been privileged to travel and witness many spectacular sights and vistas, the sight of bluebonnets and other wildflowers in bloom along Texas roads and highways is one of my favorites.

When I was working on Friday night, my friends Stewart and Mary Alice sent me texts about bluebonnets blooming near Austin and the Hill Country. As I looked at the prints on my wall and my image in the mirror, I knew that I needed a change of scenery. I looked outside. The sky was dark and clouds and rain were forecasted. But, I grabbed my camera, got in my car and headed south to search for bluebonnets with only an open road in front of me.

Six hundred plus miles later, I drove back to Dallas – mission accomplished! I was still tired, but I felt a sense of peace when I saw the looming skyline in front of me (a sight I will never tire of seeing). This adventure was also too brief, but it gave me a needed respite. And, it reminded me that I didn’t mind coming home when home is a place that I love.

Now, I just need to work on that BFF trip!