Collecting Memories
May 28, 2018
For the past several years, I’ve been trying to reduce the amount of “stuff” I have. This includes possessions, clothes, and even some mementos. This desire to rid myself of “stuff” stems from many factors. First, I’m one of those individuals who cannot think clearly when surrounded by clutter. Second, I live in a small apartment in Dallas, so there’s not much room for a lot of belongings. And, while I’ve read Marie Kondo’s book, The life-changing magic of tidying up, my sister’s stories about assisting senior citizens downsize has probably had more of an impact on me. As the mother of an only child, I just don’t want my daughter to have to wade through endless amounts of stuff when I’m either incapacitated or gone.
That said, the one thing that I am still accumulating is memories. In the Forward in Senator John McCain’s new book, The Restless Wave, McCain recounts a story of a ceremony honoring fallen Pearl Harbor soldiers in the 1990s. McCain was at the ceremony with Senator Bob Dole from Kansas, and the late Senator Dan Inouye from Hawaii. During the ceremony, McCain became emotional. Embarrassed, he confessed to Senator Inouye that he “didn’t know what comes over me these days,” and blamed it on becoming “sentimental with age.” Without turning his gaze from the Pearl Harbor survivors marching in the ceremony, McCain says that Senator Inouye quietly said, “Accumulated memories.”
What a profound statement!
I have respected Senator McCain for many years. Even though we have little in common in terms of political beliefs, I admired his comments to an individual at a McCain event during the 2008 Presidential campaign. McCain was the Republican nominee. A woman at the McCain rally said she couldn’t trust Barak Obama, McCain’s Democratic opponent, because “he’s an Arab.” McCain took the microphone from the woman and said, “No ma’am. He’s a decent family man, a citizen that I just happen to have disagreements with on fundamental issues, and that’s what this campaign is all about.” McCain continued to defend Obama during the event. It may be hard to imagine today, but only 10 years ago, an opponent in a Presidential campaign exemplified something called “civility,” a trait that seems to be lacking in many arenas in 2018.
In his book, McCain talks about being a restless soul, and that’s something that we do have in common. On trips, I have always tried to cram one more site, destination, activity, etc. into one trip. It’s a characteristic that has irritated some friends and amused others. My friend JoAnn has said it is “exhausting” traveling with me. In 1987 on our first trip to Europe, I dragged JoAnn to seven countries in a two-week span. In 2012, in an attempt to complete my “bucket list goal” of visiting all 50 U.S. states, I talked my husband into a trip where we drove to seven states in seven days. In 2001 on an Indian Health Service fellowship in Ann Arbor, Michigan, I tried to talk my colleagues into driving to Niagara Falls because it was “only 5 hours away.” Sadly, they nixed that request (but, I did get to visit Niagara Falls on another business trip in 2011). I love to snow ski. From the time my daughter was 5 years old until she was in junior high school, we went skiing every year – but rarely to the same ski resort, because of my desire to accumulate ski pins from as many ski resorts as possible! You get the picture.
I sincerely regret the negative impact that traveling with me has had on JoAnn and any others. I’m also grateful to the friends who have embraced my sense of adventure. I may not be collecting stuff, but I am accumulating memories and experiences. And, as far as I’m concerned, there can never be too many of either!
But, there have been instances in the past when I learned that it’s not always about the “where,” but the “what.”
In September 2016, my best friend and I were traveling to the World Injury Conference in Tampere, Finland. We decided to leave a few days early to visit Copenhagen before flying to Finland. Perfect. I had never been to Copenhagen, so that was one more city/country I could add to my list of travels. On our first day in Copenhagen, Carolyn was browsing through one of the tourist guides and casually commented there was a train from Copenhagen to Malmo, Sweden. My first thought was “let’s do it” because that meant we could add another country to that trip! But as the first day was winding down (and possibly because we were sleep-deprived from the 10-hour flight from Washington, DC to Denmark), we decided to hold off on making plans for Day 2 until the next morning. When we woke the next morning, we leisurely got ready for the day with no definite plans. We walked to Sebastopol in Sankt Hans Torv near our Airbnb and had brunch. Then we went to Nyhavn where we took endless photos, sat at one of the many outdoor cafes and enjoyed local Danish beer and watched people stroll by us. Later, we ended up walking the grounds of Rosenborg Castle before heading back to the Airbnb to recharge our electronic devices. That night, we went back to Nyhavn to experience the sustainable food market. The day ended with us stopping at a couple of other places for glasses of wine. Did we see and do as much as I originally thought we would? The answer is no. But, the day was perfect because I got to spend uninterrupted time with my best friend in a beautiful city – just talking, listening and laughing.
A few days later, we arrived in Tampere. I admit I knew very little about Finland prior to learning that the 12th World Injury Conference would be held here. The one thing I did know was that the Northern Lights could be seen in Finland, and that’s another bucket list item. The best place to view the Northern Lights is in Lapland, but it’s an 11-hour train ride one way from Tampere, so I was resigned to not seeing the Northern Lights on that trip. However, a colleague reported that she saw the Northern Lights from her hotel early one morning while we were at the conference. That’s all the incentive I needed. A group of us decided to venture out to try to see the phenomenon, also known as the Aurora borealis. At 2:15 a.m. the morning after the reported sighting by my colleague, six of us met at a hotel and took a taxi out to a secluded and dark lake. We found an overturned rowboat, sat down on it and waited to catch a glimpse of the Northern Lights. And we waited, and waited and waited. Although the sky to the north had faint pink hues, we didn’t get to see the full spectacular show that we’ve seen in photos. But, sitting there that night with those women and looking out over the peaceful lake and sky is something I will never forget.
Another memory that stands out to me occurred on a trip to Atlanta in April 2013 to watch the NCAA Men’s Division I Basketball Final Four. My husband loves the Final Four and has attended many Final Fours since attending his first one in 1977 in Atlanta. For Christmas 2012, my gift to my husband was to arrange a trip to the 2013 Final Four with our friends, Debi and Dwain. We had never been to the Final Four with Debi and Dwain, and Dwain had often said he wanted to go with Gary. So in December 2012, I got assurances from Debi and Dwain they would go to the 2013 event with us. We purchased airfare and booked lodging. Feeling excited on Christmas Day, I proudly bestowed my husband with a card detailing the plans for the trip. To say that he was less than thrilled is an understatement. He immediately began to tell me that he hadn’t planned to go to the Final Four in 2013 because it was in Atlanta, and he had been there previously. I was hurt and disappointed by his reaction, but told him that Debi and Dwain were committed.
One week before our trip to Atlanta, Dwain learned that his prostrate cancer had returned, and that it was aggressive. When Dwain was diagnosed with prostrate cancer the previous Fall of 2012, none of us were that worried. After all, prostrate cancer is often slow and can be easily cured. My husband is a prostate cancer survivor and has been cancer-free for eight years. But Debi always said that Dwain was an over-achiever, and now it appeared that he had an over-achieving type of prostrate cancer. When we learned the news, Gary instantly wanted to cancel our trip to the Final Four. But Debi and Dwain would not hear of it. They decided to immediately fly to Houston to M.D. Anderson, a renowned cancer treatment and research center, for a second opinion. Gary already had a scheduled layover in Houston for his trip to Atlanta, so the plan became that Debi and Dwain would meet him at the airport in Houston and fly on to Atlanta with him. I was flying from Dallas to Atlanta on a different airline.
That trip proved to be one of laughter, stories, and more laughter. One particularly funny incident happened when we spotted ESPN analyst, Jay Bilas leaving the ESPN booth. Several people were taking photos with the analyst, so Debi shoved me forward and told me to stand by Mr. Bilas while she snapped a photo of us. Now, here’s the thing. Jay Bilas, who played basketball at Duke, is 6’8”. I’m 5’3”. Debi may be 5’2” if she is wearing high heels, which she wasn’t on that day. She looked up, snapped the photo, and we went happily on our way. Later, as we were scrolling through the photos on her phone, we found the photo that Debi had taken of me with Jay Bilas. Except, it was a photo of Jay Bilas. I was not in it. Not even the top of my head grazed the photo! In her haste to take the photo, Debi had neglected to look at the screen on her phone. She just looked up and shot the photo! We still laugh about that!
While the trip was certainly fun, it is a memory at the airport when we were waiting to fly home that I will always cherish. As it had been on the inbound leg of the trip, Gary, Debi and Dwain were scheduled to fly together back to Oklahoma City, while I was flying on a different airline to Dallas. At their gate, I hugged each of them goodbye. As I started to pull back from hugging Dwain, he pulled me back in and whispered in my ear, “Thank you for this trip. Debi needed to laugh and smile with friends this weekend.” As he was facing an uncertain and shortened future, this man was thinking of the woman he loved and thanking me for making her smile.
Before the 2014 Final Four was held, Dwain was gone.
I’ve discovered through the years that most possessions hold little value to me. But, the memories, experiences, and the people who have shared them with me are what I treasure. I have loved every one of them. These accumulated memories are my moments of awe.
