Reflections on a Life Well Lived

This week I received the sad news that a colleague had passed away unexpectedly. Roger Trent and I served together on the Safe States Alliance Executive Committee and were team members for Safe State’s Technical Assessment Team (STAT) visits to Iowa and Montana.

Even before I got to know him, I admired Roger. When he spoke, it was with a quiet, knowledgeable authority. When Roger spoke, I listened. So, did everyone else. In a room that was often filled with competing voices, Roger’s voice could quite the room. People leaned in when Roger spoke to grasp every morsel of every word. His voice was that powerful.

Roger was the first person of Buddhist faith that I ever met. (Have I mentioned that I lived a very non-diverse existence during my early years?) On some of the very rare downtimes during our STAT visits, I would ask Roger about his journey to Buddhism and listen as he explained it to me. It was these discussions with Roger that first got me interested in mindfulness and meditation. Watching Roger in meetings, how he handled himself and how he treated others, made me want to be a better person.

I recall one Executive Committee meeting that I facilitated where the entire meeting felt like it was quickly dissolving into chaos. I was trying (unsuccessfully) to maintain a modicum of composure while trying to lead the group to a consensus decision. At one point, I just held up my hand to silence the room and looked at Roger. “What do you think, Roger,” I asked? As was often the case, everyone else quieted to listen for Roger’s wisdom.

Later that day when he was waiting at the airport to fly back to California, Roger sent me an email that said, “Today was a tough meeting, but you did a good job.” When he got home, he mentioned the meeting to his colleague Barb, who immediately sent me an encouraging email, too.

For a few years, I was on Roger’s holiday list. Instead of sending the typical holiday letter, Roger emailed us a list of the books he had read during the previous year, along with a summary of each book and why the books were meaningful to him. If I hadn’t already read one of the books on Roger’s list, I put it on my list to read. I valued his opinion that much.

Roger was an epidemiologist who could clearly write and articulate the nuances of injury data. Once when Dr. Alex Kelter, who was Roger’s former boss, and I were reviewing a draft data document written by another epidemiologist, I turned to Alex and complained, “This document is terrible. Why can’t this person write like Roger?” Alex looked at me and replied, “Roger is not the rule, Shelli. He’s the exception.”

A few weeks ago, I had a discussion with my sister about obituaries. My sister suggested that it would be much easier on our family if we all just prepared our own obituaries. As I thought about Roger this week and my sister’s suggestion, the words that kept coming to me was that this world was a much better place with Roger Trent in it. And, I’m a much better person because of the profound impact he had on my life.

I can only hope that someone will say the same about me.

This is not the end for Roger. His energy, wisdom and spirit will continue.

May all beings have happiness and the causes of happiness;

May all be free from sorrow and the causes of sorrow;

May all never be separated from the sacred happiness which is sorrowless;

And may all live in equanimity, without too much attachment and too much aversion,

And live believing in the equality of all that lives.

Buddhist Prayer