I Need a Vacation!
Me: Sometimes, I think God takes control of our lives when we fail to listen and respond accordingly.
My friend Jen: Amen
Something happened this week that was either an epic fail on my part or a direct message to me from the Supreme Being that I need to slow down and take a vacation. I’ve written that I haven’t had a real vacation since 2014. My definition of a “real” vacation is more than 4 days strung together around a holiday or business trip.
Vacations are very important to me. I grew up traveling with my family on out of state vacations. The frequency of these vacations is somewhat in dispute. I remember them happening with more frequency than my mother does. Her version is probably more correct, but my version means they happened enough to make an impression on me and fuel my wanderlust gene.
When my daughter was young, we went snow skiing at least once a year and met up with my friend, JoAnn and her sons in the summer – typically at a beach in California. The summer after my father died, JoAnn rented a 15-passenger van. Staley, my mom and I flew to San Francisco, where we met JoAnn and her sons, plus a friend of my mother’s and her grandchildren. We then set off on a week-long driving trip from San Francisco down the Pacific Coast Highway to Los Angeles. One night of the trip, we stayed at a cool beach house. We liked it so much that we went back the following year and spent several nights.
Although that trip was planned, I was also just as likely to jump at the chance to go somewhere on a moment’s notice. I recall one year when Staley and I had gone snow skiing in January with my sister-in-law and nephews instead of our usual time at Spring Break. Two days before Spring Break was scheduled to begin, my friend, Debi casually inquired if I would be interested in going skiing again during the school break. Forty-eight hours later, we were headed to Colorado.
In the Fall of 2017, I had the idea for my sister and I take to take our mother and daughters on a Stephens’ girls trip to NYC in December, so our mom could see the holiday windows, a bucket list item for her. While we did manage to make the trip, Staley and I only spent 48 hours with them (Saturday and Sunday) because I had to get back to work the following Monday. Both of us were sick all of those 48 hours, possibly due to the work/life stress we were feeling at the time.
A few weeks ago, I got a text from my best friend that said she missed me and that we needed to plan some time together. I read the text and started crying. So, what happened? How did I go from being willing to head to Colorado within 48 hours to making excuses for not doing something that is vitally important to me? Why did a heartfelt text from my BFF suggesting a trip together send me into a fit of sobs?
I don’t know if I have the answer, but it could have to do with a change in circumstances. There have been some changes professionally that have caused me to question my competency. Thanks to executive coaching, I’m working on regaining self-trust, but it’s a work in progress.
So, instead of saying “no” or “not now” to work requests, I say yes. I say “yes” to uncompensated business travel because it allows exposure to the good work our team is doing. If the team is getting good exposure and publicity, I rationalize that it will be harder to eliminate our department if budget cuts are necessary. If I’m asked to speak at conferences, I say “yes” because it promotes our team. I work on weekends, trying to be prepared and anticipate any last minute requests I may get from our leadership, as well as other business partners.
Which brings me to the situation I mentioned in the first sentence. In the past week, I’ve been on five flights traveling to five cities. By the end of this week, it will be six flights and seven cities. On May 22, I flew to Baltimore/Washington DC for a meeting on the 23rd (the Baltimore part of the trip was so that I could spend 17 hours with my best friend before heading to DC for my meeting). Then, I flew back to Dallas on the 23rd and flew to Tulsa on the 24th to spend the Memorial Day weekend (and our 40th anniversary with my husband). I flew back to Dallas on Monday, May 27th. My fifth flight was on Tuesday, May 28th at 6:20 a.m. from Dallas to San Antonio. I flew to San Antonio to speak at a conference that I thought started on Wednesday, May 29th. I knew that my presentation would be on Thursday, and that I would need to leave immediately after my presentation for a meeting in College Station on Friday. With the precision of a surgeon, I had booked all of my flights, secured a ride from San Antonio to College Station on Thursday, as well as a ride back to Dallas on Friday, so that I could fly to Oklahoma City on Saturday for my great niece’s Christening on Sunday, then fly back to Dallas on Sunday evening.
When I arrived in San Antonio on May 28th, I checked into the hotel and participated on several conference calls. Later in the day, I finally managed to check the online agenda for the conference to find out what time it was scheduled to start. No, I hadn’t done that earlier because most days I’m lucky if I can check my calendar the evening before the next day. I quickly skimmed the agenda and saw that registration was scheduled to begin at 11 a.m. At that time, I was feeling exhausted and was relieved that I could sleep a little longer the following morning. However, I woke up around 7 a.m. on the 29th wondering if the plenary session of the conference actually started at 11 a.m. or if that was just when registration opened. So, I logged into the conference website again to discover that Wednesday’s activities were pre-conference sessions, of which we were not registered. Instead of feeling relieved, this time I felt panic. How had I managed to screw up the dates of the conference? If I were my boss, I would be wondering about my attention to detail. How can I be productive if I’m missing something as simple as dates of a conference?
I immediately sent a text to my friend and colleague, Jen, who lives in San Antonio. During my travels last week, I had missed a text from Jen asking me to call her to discuss some Texas Leadership Collaborative updates. I texted Jen, apologized for missing last week’s text, told her what had happened that morning, and that I was expectantly available for a meeting or call. Even though I had screwed up, I was still going to have a productive day. Jen’s response was “Shelli, go for a walk along the river. We can meet later for dinner.”
I sighed. Jen was right. I’ve been getting lots of messages from many people about needing to slow down and build self-care into my life. I’m hearing it from my family and friends. It’s in podcasts that I’m listening to and books that I’m reading. A couple of weeks ago, I spent 5 hours doing nothing but feeding and cuddling with Audrey (my great niece) and talking to Madison (my niece and Audrey’s mother). Later, my sister reported to me that Madi had said it was the most relaxed she had seen me in years. Ouch! Have my actions and non-stop work schedule sent the wrong message to my daughter and nieces?
Just this week, the World Health Organization (WHO) announced that it is updating its definition of burnout in the newest version of the International Classification of Diseases (ICD-11), which will go into effect in January 2022. The new definition calls burnout a syndrome or “occupational phenomenon” and ties it to chronic stress that has not been successfully managed. WHO says it is characterized by “feelings of energy depletion” and “reduced professional efficacy,” among other things. It also says burnout is a factor that influences health status. Yikes. How can I do the important work of preventing injuries and diseases if my physical and mental health is in jeopardy? How can I protect the ones I love if I’m feeling drained, disengaged, and depressed?
A few years ago, my friend, Mary Ann suffered multiple pulmonary embolisms, which is often fatal. Thankfully, Mary Ann recovered, but she said that experience caused her to re-evaluate her life and what is important. Since then, Mary Ann and her partner, Jodie have prioritized vacation time. Each year without fail, they take vacations in May and December. They say those vacations rejuvenate their bodies, minds, and spirits.
Last week, my uncle called to tell me he was “spending his son’s inheritance” by taking the entire family to Hawaii. Honestly, I think that trip and the memories are going to be far more important to my cousin and his family after my aunt and uncle are gone than any inheritance!
After my moment of panic on Wednesday, I took Jen’s advice. I went for a walk along the San Antonio River Walk. I meandered through art galleries. I sat at an outdoor café and drank a margarita. I read a book my best friend had given me. I managed to walk 7 miles. I met Jen for dinner. Although it wasn’t a completely unplugged day (I sent and responded to a few emails), it certainly helped clear my mind for a very productive conversation with Jen.
I know that I need to make some changes. Hopefully, this week’s “wake-up” call will be the impetus to do so.
