Leaving Neverland

I watched the four-hour documentary “Leaving Neverland” with a mixture of emotions – sadness, disgust, horror, and remorse.

Full disclosure – I was a Michael Jackson fan. Posters of the Jackson 5, along with those of the Monkees, David Cassidy, Bobby Sherman, and the Osmond Brothers adorned my childhood bedroom walls. Even as a 7th grader living in a lily-white community, I recognized there was a level of talent in Michael Jackson that transcended the bubble gum pop music that was my staple at the time.

Later when he emerged as a solo artist, I was awed by his music, dancing, and showmanship. Like millions of others, I was mesmerized by “the moonwalk.” While I loved “Billie Jean,” “Beat It,” and “Thriller,” it was “Man in the Mirror,” “Earth Song,” and “Heal the World” that warmed my “let’s unite everyone” heart.

I even liked his fashion choices – not so much the “gloves,” but the military style jackets appealed to me. My friends have often teased me, including as recent as last week, for “channeling Michael Jackson” when I showed up in military-style attire.

Like many fans, I chose to ignore the early rumors about his involvement with young boys. I wanted to believe that the rumors were conjured up by Hollywood tabloids. Even when I watched Oprah Winfrey’s interview with Jackson in 1993, just months before the allegations against him by the family of Jordan Chandler, I rationalized his responses to Winfrey’s questions about sharing a bed with young boys. I wanted so badly to believe his explanation that his lack of a carefree childhood at the hands of a domineering father was the reason he wanted to create a playful environment for young children.

Admittedly, I was troubled when the 1993 allegations were made public. When the case was settled out of court, I accepted the explanation. But, over the years, I watched as his behavior became (in my opinion) more bizarre and erratic. By the time the 2003 allegations against him surfaced, I could no longer deny the signs. By then, I had conducted too many literature reviews of child sexual abuse and rape and talked to too many experts in human behavior after trauma (whether it was violent or not).

When Jackson was acquitted of the 2003 allegations, I was surprised. But, I was more surprised by the reaction of his “super fans” that cheered wildly when the verdict clearing Jackson of all charges was announced. I’m not sure why I was surprised, because we have certainly witnessed similar situations with other celebrities who have been accused of assault (i.e., Chris Brown, R. Kelly).

The reality is that we don’t live in a “black and white” world. There are many brilliant, talented people who are deeply flawed. Given the evidence that has been presented, I believe that Michael Jackson was a pedophile, even though he was never convicted of a crime. And, I’m struggling with how to reconcile that belief with the fact that I still love the songs that I mentioned earlier. As I write this, I’m looking across my living room at one of my most cherished gifts – a vintage Michael Jackson concert booklet that my daughter gave me for Christmas several years ago.

Instead of looking at the complexity of issues, we often resort to the binary “black and white” world, which can cause us to fall into a “blaming” scenario. In the case of rape, we often blame the victim – she “asked” for it because she was drunk, dressed provocatively, etc.

In the case of child sexual abuse, we blame the families of the victims. How could they have not known what was happening? Like most things, it’s much easier to look back and pinpoint the signs or “red flags” in retrospect. Plus, the research shows that the manipulation of the perpetrators makes the signs less obvious than all of us who haven’t been involved in this type of situation understand. It’s much easier to stand in pious judgment from afar.

In the Jackson case, it’s easy to blame his team of handlers for greed as the reason they didn’t speak up or end the abuse they either witnessed or suspected. But, I don’t know their personal or financial situations. I would like to think I would speak up, but I haven’t been in that situation. I haven’t had to sign non-disclosure agreements. I haven’t faced threats or retribution.

Additionally, we continue to see organizations take a “risk adverse” posture and dismiss or hide allegations instead of admitting mistakes and rectifying them (i.e., Catholic church, Penn State University).

It’s easy to place blame after the fact. But, instead of blaming, why don’t we invest more resources in prevention? If we had created an environment where people feel safe in speaking up against wrong doing or organizations weren’t so risk adverse and could admit mistakes, maybe we would have less survivors of abuse and more emotionally healthy adults.

“Leaving Neverland” was hard to watch. But, it is an important story to be told. I hope that instead of focusing on Wade Robson’s and James Safechuck’s graphic description of the sexual acts, that we focus on the long-term emotional effects it has had on them as adults and their families. Maybe then we can stop blaming and judging and start preventing.

That’s my hope and prayer for today. I’ll try to do my part to change the narrative.