Happy Birthday, Audrey

Dear Audrey –

Happy birthday! Just like your birth didn’t go as planned, neither will your 1st birthday.

We are living in unprecedented times; nothing like this has been witnessed by any of the people alive today who love you. Life as we know it has been shut down by a global coronavirus pandemic. You are not likely to remember this, Audrey, but it means that we can’t be together physically in the same place on your birthday. It’s also a reminder that things change – some in big noticeable ways (like now during this health crisis) and others in more subtle ways over time. But change will occur. My wish for you, Audrey is that you will have the resilience to navigate those changes.

The future is never clear, but this I can say with certainty – your world will look different than the one your parents grew up in, as did your parents’ world from your grandparents’ world and the world of your great-grandparents. I really hope that your generation will grow up in a society that is more forgiving, understanding, and accepting and appreciative of difference. I can’t promise that will happen, but I can promise you that I will do everything in my sphere of influence to make it happen.

I hope that your generation will not succumb to someone else’s image of who you should be. Try to remember that others’ opinions are only that – their opinions; they are not the blueprint for your life. I hope the default for your generation is intelligence and critical thinking not fear and willful ignorance. I hope that you will never be the only female voice in the room, Audrey. You are surrounded by strong intelligent women in your family with different interests and talents. I hope that you experience that everywhere – in your classes, in your friendships, and in your career choices. I hope that you never feel that your voice is being silenced.

You are also surrounded by men who love you. I hope that you feel their support as you grow and make choices about your future.

You get to choose your interests, Audrey – not your parents, grandparents, aunts, or any other family members. None of us get to pick those for you, but we are here to help nurture those interests.

Your family isn’t perfect, Audrey. We have all made mistakes and are likely to again. We have all been frustrated and angry. You will also make mistakes. At some point in your life, you will feel frustrated and angry. As my friend Mary Ann says, I hope you learn to use that anger and frustration to speak truth and honesty in love. We will listen to you and do our best to learn.

It has been hard, but I have learned how to get comfortable with uncertainty and chaos, and it has helped me find clarity. These are not intuitive skills, but we will help you cultivate them. Because, you will have times when you are confused, and that confusion will bring challenges. You don’t have to navigate those challenges alone. You are never alone; you will never be alone. We are always here for you.

I hope that your world isn’t marred by another public health crisis and political squabbling. But if it is, I hope that you find ways to stay connected, even if “social distancing” becomes the norm. I hope that you learn how to listen through the noise and the silence.

You won’t remember your first birthday, Audrey, or the fact that your mom let the gift I sent you remain in the garage for two days hoping to allow any potential virus to die before bringing the package indoors for you. You won’t remember the gift I sent, nor am I likely to either. While milestones in our life are the things we cling to and hope for, it is the moments between the milestones that are important. What I will remember about your first year is the feel of your little body snuggled against mine as you napped with your head on my shoulder. I’ll remember the sound of your gurgles and the smell of the shampoo your mom used to wash your crazy hair. I’ll remember watching you take unsteady steps as we all Zoomed with Nan Nan on her birthday.

We love you, Audrey. Our love for you will grow exponentially every minute of every hour of every day of every month of every year. We will always love you regardless of who you become, who you love, or what you believe.

Happy first birthday, precious girl. I hope that we can all celebrate your second, third, and many, many more birthdays with you.

Aunt Shelli