Cuddle Time
On Saturday, I did something I haven’t done in a very long time. I spent 5 hours in one place.
I am usually in constant motion. If I’m home in the evenings, I’m working or cleaning. The same goes for the weekends when I’m not traveling. I don’t sit and watch television. I loathe naps. I don’t sit in coffee shops savoring a cup of coffee. If I’m in a coffee shop, it’s because I’m using their WiFi to work. My idea of “downtime” is a long walk or meandering through the Dallas Museum of Art.
It’s true that I love vacations and travel, but I haven’t been on a vacation since my husband and I cruised around the Greek Islands in 2014. This isn’t by choice; there are circumstances beyond my control that have hindered my ability for personal travel and vacation. Which brings me to another point – my idea of a vacation involves traveling. Whether it’s in the U.S. or another country, I want to visit a new place.
My family is very fortunate that we have a summer cabin on a river in northeastern Oklahoma. I often hear that “you should just spend a couple of weeks at your cabin.” First, if I had a couple of weeks, I would actually be traveling somewhere else. I love our cabin and spending time there, but that is not a “vacation” for me, and it likely never will be. Second, while well-meaning, that advice is irritating, particularly when it comes from someone who has never held a job, much less had a career or understands the demands of a work environment. It also makes me feel shame. Those who are familiar with Dr. Brene Brown’s work around shame understand that it is hurtful, not helpful. When I hear that I need to “spend more time at the cabin,” I feel like I’m disappointing someone, which translates to “I’m doing something wrong.” I should pay more attention to Dr. Brown’s words because they have given me insight and courage to trust myself and disregard unproductive feedback. She says, “If you are not in the arena getting your ass kicked on occasion, I’m not interested in or open to your feedback. There are a million cheap seats in the world today filled with people who will never be brave with their lives, but who will spend every ounce of energy they have hurling advice and judgment at those who dare greatly. If you’re not also putting yourself on the line, I’m not interested in what you have to say.” I looked with wonder at my tired niece who had (with Ben, of course) created the magical bundle
That said, I understand the importance of rest and relaxation and it’s restorative powers on the mind and body. A few weeks ago, I was in a meeting with my executive coach in which relaxation was the topic. Instead of telling me to take a vacation or shaming me for not, she simply said, “Find ways to build self-care in your activities.”
This past weekend, I flew to Oklahoma City to attend an event on Friday night. My husband had plans to attend a graduation and anniversary party on Saturday, and asked me if I wanted to go with him. I said no. Instead, I called my niece Madison and asked her if I could have some “cuddle time” with my great-niece, Audrey.
So, I spent 5 hours on Saturday looking at Audrey, marveling at her dark eyes, chubby cheeks, sweet lips, dimpled chin, spikey hair, and long toes. I kissed her and talked to her, as Madison periodically dozed in a chair beside us. I looked with wonder at my tired niece who had (with Ben, of course) created the magical bundle that was rooting, grunting and sleeping on my chest.
When I finally left them, I was feeling exhilarated and more determined than ever to continue working to ensure that Audrey and all little girls feel loved, safe and protected with opportunities to live an authentic life.
Thank you, Madi and Audrey, for a near-perfect day.