Swipe Right

“I’m just swiping right,” read the text from my friend, Courtney. That’s good advice, I thought. I need to do the same. Hours earlier, I had sat in a meeting in my office – my hands clenched in a ball so tight that my fingernails dug into my skin.

When I read the book, How to Make Disease Disappear, a few weeks ago, I vowed to be better at the four pillars of the author’s plan – relax, eat, move and sleep. In the book, the author Rangan Chatterjee, provides a list of activities in each of the pillars to assist readers in improving in each of the four pillars.

For the most part, I have done better. I’ve committed to a daily practice of stillness and a “screen-free” Sunday. I was already walking 10,000 steps per day, but I’ve added some additional “daily movement snacks.” I’m spending at least 20 minutes outside every day, even when it is rainy and gloomy. I’m trying to eat five different vegetables every day, and I’m limiting my food intake to a 12-hour window. I’ve started “managing my commotion” before going to bed. While I haven’t quite managed to drink eight glasses of water every day, I’ve significantly increased the amount of water I drink each day.

Even technology on my devices has helped, including the notification on my watch that tells me to “breathe” or get up and stand, as well as the Calm app I’ve downloaded to my phone.

But even with the progress I’m making, it doesn’t mean I’m immune to stress – or that I handle it well. When my colleagues and I started the mindfulness leadership training through the Texas Injury Prevention Leadership Collaborative in 2016, the training facilitator warned us that we could become frustrated when we practiced mindfulness and others didn’t. She told us that the more self-aware we became at identifying our triggers, we would get better at managing those triggers. But, the better we got at mindful leadership practices, the more we would notice it when others didn’t have or utilize the same skill set. We can’t control the behavior of others. She was so correct.

We’ve all come to understand that actions speak louder than words. When the words say we need to “hardwire” trust, yet the actions have compromised trust, I’m skeptical. When I sit in endless meetings with no clear agenda, goals or objectives, I’m frustrated. I’m exhausted with meetings that are scheduled for an hour, start 20-30 minutes late, then extend past the allotted time. Often, I have to leave that meeting before it ends to go another meeting, which leaves me feeling stressed.

Earlier in the week, I had talked to our staff about some of the changes our team is experiencing because of another change in our reporting structure. I had reminded them that while we can’t always control the “events” that cause change, we can control how we “respond” to those changes. The events plus our response will determine the outcome. I need to take my own advice.

I know that I have the skills to do this. I understand that emotional intelligence is the ability to be aware of and manage my moods. I just need to do it.

Fortunately, I’m surrounded by a team of exceptional colleagues and friends. They allow me to whine occasionally, but they also feel safe enough in our relationship to pull me out of the “judger” pit, when they see it isn’t productive. They have my heart and my back, and I know they have mine.

None of this is easy. Even though I’m making progress on being more mindful, there will probably always be times when I don’t get it right. But, I’ll keep working. When days are difficult, I’ll watch this 2018 team video for inspiration. But, there may be days when I just “swipe right.”