Safe Harbors

As I’ve written about pretty extensively (or complained about, depending on your perspective), it’s been five years since my last vacation. While I travel a lot to attend meetings, make presentations at conferences or conduct workshops, I seldom have a chance to see or do anything in the cities where my business travel takes me, unless that travel coincides with a weekend allowing me to travel a day early or extend the trip by a day.

Often that extended day on the front or back end of a business trip comes with its own set of concessions. It means trying to cram a lot of visiting or sightseeing into a small amount of time, which can leave me exhausted. It also means trying to stay responsive to work emails and requests while trying to balance being “present” for the friends and colleagues I’m with at the moment. Either way, I feel guilty. I feel guilty if I don’t’ try to make time for friends. If I do make plans to extend business trips, I feel guilty if I “unplug” and don’t respond immediately to work email.

While business travel can sound fun and glamorous to those who don’t travel on business often, let me assure you – it’s not. I’m typically working 12-14 hours every day of a business trip. Lately, I’ve had to work the same number of hours per day when I return home, which has caused me to wonder if it’s even worth it to try to cram in time to “unwind.” Maybe, I should forgo trying to have a life outside of work.

These were my thoughts recently as I flew from Austin (business) to Portland, Maine to meet some friends for the weekend. I dreaded what awaited me when I returned. I even dreaded having to respond to emails while I was with my friends, and more so, having to apologize and make excuses to my friends for not being fully present. I was worried because I knew I would be traveling to Philadelphia a week later and had planned a quick side trip to New York City before I arrived in Philly. By the time my plane landed, I was exhausted from stress and worry.

But, here’s the thing about spending time with friends like mine – it’s invigorating. The deep conversations with my long-time friends, who have celebrated my successes and held a safe space for me in times of turmoil, are worth every second. Likewise, spending time with new friends I’m meeting along this life journey is proving to be just as worthwhile.

I wish that I could say I really did unplug on my trips to Maine and New York City and give my friends my undivided attention, but I didn’t. I wish that I could say that my work time between the two trips was different, but it wasn’t. I was reminded that there are just some things beyond my control and worrying about it doesn’t change the outcome.

What did change was my resolve to take the time to do the things that give me joy and spend time with people who are good for my mental health. By the time I boarded the plane for New York City, I did so with a different mindset.

Thank you Nancy, Sue, Cindy, Pam, and Cary for indulging my adventures and for providing a safe harbor for me!