Sportsmanship Lessons from my Father

October 8, 2018

“When you yell and scream at the referees, it doesn’t make them look bad, but it makes you look foolish.”

Philip Stephens

circa 1971

I don’t remember the exact date or place when my father said those words to me, but I remember the context. It was after one of my sister’s 5th and 6th grade basketball games. My dad was the coach. I was in the 7th grade and had been watching the game from behind the bench. During most of the game, I had been yelling at the 11 and 12 year-old players from the opposing team, the fans from the opposing team, and the officials refereeing the game (which were probably a couple of high school students). While I had been watching the game through the lens of what I thought was a passionate fan, my dad had been watching me – and he didn’t like what he saw. After the game, he quietly pulled me aside and let me know he wasn’t pleased with my behavior. He didn’t raise his voice, but I knew that I had disappointed him. And, I didn’t like that feeling.

My father’s words shaped my behavior at sporting events from that day forward. I’ve had many, many occasions to be a spectator at sporting events. I’m a sports fan through and through! This may be due partly to the fact that my father was a coach. Then, I married a coach. When our television is turned on, it is tuned into ESPN.

I’m not an athlete, but I love the positive things that sports offer – teamwork, camaraderie, and a sense of community. I love winning, and I loathe losing. Throughout the years, my family has experienced exhilarating victories and devastating defeats. During that time, I have cheered passionately when my teams have scored. I’ve groaned when they’ve made bad plays. There have been games when I remained standing the entire game because I was nervous. But, I do not yell at the opposing players, fans, or the game officials. And, I don’t like it when I see this behavior in others. This may be why I chose not to sit in the stands when my husband was coaching, but instead usually watched the games while standing in the corner of the gymnasium away from our fans and those of the opposing team.

Last weekend, there was a pretty big college football rivalry game that’s held annually at the State Fair of Texas in Dallas. My team lost.

My crew filed out of the stands, hot, tired, and dejected. We still had State Fair coupons, so we ordered something to eat and drink and looked for a table where we could sit. We found some space at a table – sandwiched between a group of people wearing orange. I looked at the handful of coupons I had left and passed them to the Longhorn fans. “Congratulations,” I said. “I’m not going to use these coupons. Take them and celebrate your win.”

They smiled and said thank you.

There were no loud, obscene or hateful words exchanged. We were just two small groups of individuals with different allegiances, different loyalties, and different viewpoints who decided to be respectful of those differences.

During a week that featured many disappointing losses, I’m grateful that there are still small things that can make me feel hopeful.