Two "Aha" Moments in One Week -- Change, New Beginnings, Diversity, and Sunrises!
You are under no obligation to be the person you were
a year, month, or even 15 minutes ago.
You have the right to grow.
No apologies.
March 16, 2018
This week, I had not one, but two “aha” moments – those times when knowledge coincides with crystal clear understanding.
Before I reveal what life-changing understanding transpired, let me provide some context. Recently, I’ve started seeing a professional counselor . . . again. While I have always been open to professional counseling, it was after a conversation with my friend, Mendy, many years ago that I actually made an appointment with a psychologist. At that time, I was experiencing a lot of turmoil at work. I casually mentioned some of what had been happening to a colleague who was a sociologist. He listened to me, and when I had finished talking, he suggested that it might be helpful for me to talk to a counselor. He let me know that the circumstances that I had described were “major upheavals” and that discussing them with a counselor might be productive in helping me. When I mentioned the discussion with my colleague to Mendy (who was the person that I talked to most about the situation), she agreed with my colleague. I’ll never forget what she said to me that day. “Shelli, you are my friend, and I love you. Therefore, I can’t be objective about the situation because when you talk to me, I get mad at the situation on your behalf. Perhaps, it would be helpful for you to talk to someone who can be objective.” I’m not sure why I thought I needed permission, but I may have felt like Mendy and my colleague had given me permission to seek professional help. I made an appointment that week and was able to navigate that difficult situation with the counselor’s help and input.
Fast forward to the present – my current counselor has been asking questions to better understand me, why I feel and react to situations a certain way, etc. For some of the questions, I’ve struggled to come up with easily accessible answers, and “It is what it is” has become my quick default. I doubt that response pleases my counselor.
This week at work, I was asked to complete the Clifton StrengthsFinder assessment, which was developed by the Gallop Organization under the leadership of Donald Clifton, following many years of research. The online assessment includes a series of paired self-descriptor questions. You have 20 seconds to select the descriptor that best describes you, and the extent to which it describes your personality. There are 34 identified themes. Once you’ve completed the assessment, you immediately receive your top five most dominant strengths in order of strongest to less strong. The assessment measures your natural patterns of thinking, feeling and behaving. Note, that this assessment describes strengths, not weaknesses.
When I looked at my top five strengths and the accompanying Insight Report, I was dumbstruck. Nothing has ever come so close to pinpointing my thoughts and beliefs. This is IT, I thought. This is me! Aha moment #1. To my family and friends, I’m probably going to send you hard copies of my report. For those who don’t want to wait for it in “snail mail,” (and are reading this post), see below for my top five strengths/themes.
Connectedness – By nature, you are guided by the notion that no one can live life without some help from others. This idea compels you to consider how what you do and say affects people you know and individuals you will never meet. It’s very likely that you may welcome all kinds of people into your circle of friends, family, and acquaintances, without expecting them to conform to your way of thinking, working or living. You revel in the diversity of mankind. You refrain from being surrounded only by people who remind you of yourself. (Yes family members, this is #1 on my list!)
Harmony – You rely on the collective intelligence and wisdom of experts to guide you toward the best solutions or answers. By nature, you seek out and listen to the opinions of others before you express your own views. You derive satisfaction from reaching goals individuals have set for you. You realize that you interact with certain people better when you maintain a healthy equilibrium – that is, and intellectual or emotional poise – in all areas of your life.
Developer – You make a point of acknowledging and applauding the unique contributions of your teammates, by calling attention to their talents, knowledge and skills. You realize that the wealth you accumulate is less important to you than the curious mix of people you invite into your life. Individuals who are not at all like you enrich you in ways that money cannot.
Belief – Instinctively, you refuse to live a meaningless existence. You seek a vocation that allows you to express certain values every day. Chances are good that you might be determined to push for specific kinds of changes that could benefit humankind or Earth itself. You have a reputation for toiling for several hours when an assignment adds some special meaning to your work, studies or life.
Arranger – When faced with a complex situation involving many factors, you enjoy managing all of the variables, aligning and realigning until you are sure you have arranged them in the most productive configuration possible. You are flexible, whether you are changing travel schedules at the last minute or mulling over just the right combination of people and resources to accomplish a new project. Confronted with the unexpected, some complain that plans devised with such care cannot be changed, while others take refuge in the existing rules or procedures. You don’t do either. You jump into the confusion, devising new options, hunting for new paths of least resistance, and figuring out new partnerships – because, after all, there might be a better way.
Suddenly, the answer to some of the questions my counselor had been asking me is no longer “It is what it is,” but rather summed up succinctly in the list above.
“Aha moment” number 2 was in reading the following sentence that appeared in my report. “The odds that someone shares the same top five themes as you are roughly 1 in 33 million!'“ Suddenly the phrase, no two people are alike had new meaning. No two people are alike, and that is okay. I’m okay! I don’t have to think, act, look or believe like anyone else. As long as I am respectful of other beliefs, I can disagree with you, and it doesn’t make me “wrong” as I’ve been told repeatedly. As I gain new knowledge, I can change my mind about things I was told to believe in my youth. I can change my mind based on new experiences, and that’s okay.
In a New York Times article entitled “The Progressive Voice Bursting From Texas and Spreading Everywhere” about long-time WFAA sports reporter, Dale Hansen, Hansen explains his political and cultural evolution. He said, “I’m attracted to diversity because I had none in my life (when he was growing up in Iowa). I like people who challenge me, who aren’t the same as me.”
I could say the same. In fact, I’ll go so far as to say that I “crave” diversity because of my childhood. I also “crave” change. There’s just something about change and new beginnings that energize me. My husband often complains that I’ve moved five times in the 10 years I’ve lived in Dallas. That’s because I don’t like living in the same place. When I hear people talk about purchasing or building their “forever” house, I feel nauseous. Seriously. I feel the same way about taking the same vacation every year. That doesn’t mean I think everyone should live like I do; I respect and appreciate that others feel differently. And in case you think I have “commitment” issues, I don’t. I’ve been married to the same person for 39 years, and to date, have had three jobs of 7, 16 and 10 years that span 36 years.
My cravings for change and new beginnings may be why I love sunrises. A sunrise represents a new day, a new chance, a clean slate, and new opportunities to experience “moments of awe.”
I’ve spent a considerable amount of time trying to convince others that I’m okay even if I’m not a carbon copy of them. This week, I realized that it’s okay for me to have different beliefs, and it doesn’t make me any less Christian or “wrong.” It’s okay for me to change my mind. But perhaps instead of spending time trying to convince others that I’m okay, the person that I should have spent time convincing that I’m okay is me.
#stillaworkinprogress