This is what 81 looks like in my family!

April 28, 2018

On the date of my mother’s 27th birthday, her oldest daughter (me) sneaked into her classroom during recess and scrawled on the chalkboard, “Happy 27th birthday!” For those who don’t know what a chalkboard is, Google it! At the time, my mother was a first year 2nd grade teacher. Later that evening, my mother scolded me – not for writing “Happy Birthday” on her chalkboard, but for including her age in the message!

Fast forward to 1988. My 50 year-old mother had been teaching for 23 years. I again visited her at school, this time with my infant daughter and her first grandchild. One of my mother’s colleagues was celebrating her 40th birthday, and all of the teachers were wearing buttons that said, “_____ is 40. I’m not _____.” On my mother’s button, she had hand written, “But I wish I was.” Needless to say, age has always been a “hot topic” in my family.

I took a chance on including my mother’s age in the title of this blog post, but I think she is finally celebrating the number of candles on her birthday cake instead of dreading them!

In 2017 when I began writing a journal at the suggestion of my friend, Mendy, it included an examination of trying to understand how I became the person that I am. Week after week as I wrote, it became clear (although, I have always known it) that my mother has always been the most influential person in my life.

While both of my parents were first generation college graduates and went on to earn Master’s degrees, it was different for my mother and the women of her generation. My mother chose a different path than her mother and decided to have a career, so that is the model that I aspired to when I was young. Very early in my life, my mother let me know that her expectation for me, and for my sister, was to be more than average. There were times that expectation was a burden, but I’m grateful for it today.

I’m not sure what spurred my mother’s early activism regarding women’s rights. Perhaps it was because her biological children are female. Maybe it was because she witnessed her own mother, a homemaker with no education, faced with having to make a living after my grandfather died. But, early in my life, my mother encouraged my independence.

During the early 1980s, my mother was active in trying to get the Equal Rights Amendment ratified in Oklahoma. The Equal Rights Amendment (ERA) passed the U.S. Senate and then the House of Representatives, and on March 22, 1972, the proposed 27th Amendment to the Constitution was sent to the states for ratification, with a seven-year deadline on the ratification process. There was opposition to the ERA organized by fundamentalist religious groups across the country. My hometown was no exception. Anti-ERA organizers claimed that the ERA would deny a woman's right to be supported by her husband, privacy rights would be overturned, women would be sent into combat, access to safe and legal abortions would continue, and homosexuals could legally marry. Although the ERA did not pass, 30 years later on June 26, 2015, the U.S. Supreme Court made marriage for same-sex couples legal nationwide, declaring that refusing to grant marriage licenses to gay and lesbian couples violates the Constitution.

But, back to the past. For the ERA to become a Constitutional amendment, 38 states had to ratify it. As the 1979 deadline approached, only 34 states had ratified the ERA. Congress granted an extension until June 30, 1982, and there was a huge push to get the four remaining states necessary. Alan Alda, who may be best remembered as Hawkeye Pierce on M*A*S*H*, is also one of the most prominent of Hollywood’s male feminists (he appeared on the cover of Ms. magazine). He actively supported ratification of the ERA and traveled to states that hadn’t ratified it to garner support. One of his stops was in my hometown. I loved Alan Alda then, and still do! I have always been a fan of his acting as well as his support of causes important to me. My mom, sister and I were able to attend his appearance in Ada. Armed with my camera, I was able to get a photo of my sister shaking hands with Mr. Alda! Several days later when I got the photos developed (this was before digital cameras, and I had to wait several days to get the prints), I immediately took them to the school where my mom was teaching. It was during a recess break, so my mom was in the teacher’s lounge with several other teachers. One of the teachers who was a staunch opponent of the ERA “because the Bible says women are not equal to men,” peered over my mother’s shoulder to glimpse the photos, then quickly turned away when she realized what they were and said, “I can’t look at those.” Confused, I asked her why. “Because that’s a sin,” she replied. I was dumbfounded. Looking at photos of my sister with Alan Alda was a sin? Overhearing this exchange, my mother came to my rescue. She didn’t put the photos away, but continued to show anyone and everyone that came into the lounge, the “great photos her daughter had taken.”

My mother was an elementary school teacher for 30 years, during which time she received Teacher of the Year honors. When she retired, the local newspaper ran a story about her with a photo of her with some her students.

When I started this blog, the intent was to only post photos that I had taken. However, the photo of my 81 year-old mother on a zip line taken recently on a trip with my stepfather, stepbrother and his family on a trip to Sonoma, California is too good not to post! This is what 81 looks like in my family!

Last night my daughter sent me a text with that photo that said, “This picture makes me very happy.” Me, too!

While I am an admitted “Daddy’s girl,” my mother has always been my “shero!” She continues to inspire my sister, her granddaughters, and me!

#strongwomen